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I would have much rather grown old, alone. Lord Fairc***d was a man with a strange idea of what courtship was. Now that I was engaged, he would often try to find me alone so he might grope and kiss me. He would press his body against mine; often I would find him aroused. I thought he was disgusting the way he would take his large floppy lips and press them against my ear and whisper details of the most graphic ways he intended to take my maidenhead.But at the ball that evening three hundred years ago, she stood surrounded by a bevy of fine young men. She claimed widowhood, a feat not unusual, but she was subtle and demure. Men flocked to her and even women could not resist her. Her laughter had been calming. I wished for her freedom. And she even sensed it.She parted the crowd and had selected me to join her. I was free of my chaperone, what threat would there be from such a well-cultured, older woman? "Would you like to find your way through the maze?" she asked me."I have never. Who doesthat? Is that courage, stupidity, or the drugs? Some reasonable assumptionof the overlap of pagan religion and drug culture?The smile remained, but there was almost a slight panicked look in hisexpression.I nodded reassuringly. "All right. Why are you on an acid trip? What is ityou're looking for by tripping?" I don't know. An answer. THE answer, if there is such a thing."I was about to deliver the message, the answer he was looking for, and Iwas terrified, because I didn't like hurting people, and what transpirednext was a terrible, TERRIBLE, and necessary wound, and I hated being theone to deliver it. I screwed up my courage."But, you know the answer," I said as gently and as with as much love as Icould. "You're just refusing to see it. I could point you to some clues,if you like." I smiled, but it was a lie, and I felt like it was soobvious that it hurt.His eyes locked on mine, looked away, came back. He shifted on his feet."I guess."Oh, God. Oh Goddess... Forgive me. "You.
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